There are times when the struggle has been going on too long; the struggle to free ourselves from whatever the situation or mind-set we are in becomes just too much.
In those moments we can lose faith, hope and believe that this is it, this is going to be our lives and it can feel like we are being punished for something. Why isn’t our life changing like we want it to be? Why can’t we have peace and freedom? We see pictures and watch videos online of all these people who are living lives where they apparently are the deciders and dictators of their own lives.
Why are we in jobs we hate, feeling trapped by family commitments or trying to escape from bad marriages? When do we get our turn, our break?
We do our vision boards; say our affirmations, read up on positivity, do the exercises, meditate, take steps to build our own businesses….then nothing. It can feel like we are getting slapped down by an invisible hand to keep us in check, in-line and to not forget who we are. We aren’t like those wanderlust souls out there who can hop, skip and jump onto a plane to Bali. I wish.
Sometimes I think I was like the crab escaping the bucket; I got as far as working and travelling in Italy and Ibiza in my youth then the big hand pulled my rope backwards, hoisting me back in to small-mindedness land.
Maybe you feel that way too, that you are done with all this trying. So what do we do? Do we just give up, switch on the TV and relegate ourselves to the idea that this is it for us? Isn’t there something else we can do?
Who exactly is stopping us? Is it our family commitments? Is it the fact we need money coming in (of course) or could it be our own fear at play too?
I know there have been times when an opportunity has come along for me and I’ve got so close to it- it’s within reach and then I’ve sabotaged it. It’s taken me a long time to even see that, to become aware of it. I’m not saying that if an amazing job came along or a 6 month all expenses paid trip to Bali came up I wouldn’t jump on it. Course I would. (Or would I think; ‘oh I can’t do that, what about my sons school, what about his dad …what would other people think?) I can’t just up and leave.
So what is to be done when we feel out of alignment with where we want to be and where we are now? You can drive yourself crazy reading up on this very subject online. As I have almost done. Today I’ve had it with all the forcing, all the cajoling and all the fake crap. I want my life to be different and I’m done with the trying and wishing and hoping.
As I’m a writer the only way I can deal with this feeling is to write.
- Write a letter about all the shit I’m not happy with. Burn it.
- Then write a list of all the stuff I want, and do as little or as much as I can every single day.
I’m not going to use pressure. I’m going to allow myself to do what feels right every day and if that is nothing today then that is fine too.
Maybe this will get me back into that elusive place called alignment.